A Great Man

     This Sunday is the first anniversary of Jared's grandfather's death. I cannot believe it has already been a year since he left us. It does not feel that long. The pain is still as fresh as it was then. We still have our hard days. The days where everything seems to remind us of him. The kids still miss him so much. They still call Jared's grandmother's house Ma and Paw's. They still ask about him and talk about him all the time. We keep pictures up to remind them he is still with us in a way. Even Livi now will point to his picture and say Paw Paw. Those moments are bittersweet. She will never truly know what an amazing man he was. When she kisses his picture, my heart hurts because he would have enjoyed watching her grow up so much. He adored his grandchildren, and they were crazy about him. The thing that gives me comfort is that the older kids remember him, and will be able to share those memories with her.
      I met William Ross Tucker in 2001 when Jared and I first started dating. He was so welcoming. It was amazing how quickly I felt the love. He started calling me sis immediately. Which from then on out was his pet name for me and his granddaughters. So I felt like his granddaughter from the start. He was one of the sweetest, nicest people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. He had so many stories that he loved telling. By the time he passed away, I had heard a few of them over and over, but they never got old because of the excitement in his eyes as he told them. When we blessed him with his great grandchildren, they were spoiled rotten. And when they would come over, he would get in the floor on their level, and play with them like he was a child as well. They loved that.
     The thing that stands out about him the most to me, is what a wonderful husband he was. He and Ma were married for 60 years. And you could tell how much he cared for her until the last breath he took. He did not leave this world until we assured him that we would take care of Ma. He set an example to me of how a man is supposed to treat a woman. He made me believe that true love really could exist. That a man could be faithful to a woman and do everything in his power to make sure she was happy and knew she was loved. They were by each other's side until the end. You never saw one without the other somewhere nearby.
     He was diagnosed with Melanoma in April 2011. He never let his diagnosis get him down. Even in the end, when you could tell how much pain he was in, he always had his smile and he continued to joke around with everyone. Such a positive, courageous, and inspirational man.
     In September of 2011, we knew the end was near. I had the amazing honor of helping to care for him in his last days. Providing respite care for Ma, his daughter and son who were there every minute of every last day. Even in the last few days, when he could no longer talk, he would grab my hand, and look me straight in the eyes with kind of a thank you. That will always mean the world to me, because I know in some way, I made a difference to a wonderful man in his last days. I tried to help him leave this world with his dignity intact.
     The day he passed away, we got that awful call saying to come quick. Even though we knew it was coming, you still can't prepare for that moment. When your heart hits the ground. The big kids had already said their goodbyes, so we left them with family, but we took Livi with us. We got there, and Jared went to his bedside. He looked up and grabbed sweet Livi's foot. In those last moments right before death, he seemed to have some clarity. Jared reassured him that Ma would be okay. Pawpaw stared at Livia, and she stared back at him with her sweet smile. Then, he left this world. She will forever be the last person he was looking at before he passed, and I hope that gave him some peace. And that is something that can never be taken away from her, despite the fact that she will not remember. She will know this.
    William Ross Tucker left us on September 30, 2011. But he left a legacy. He left some of his spirit in each of his grandchildren. That beautiful, sweet spirit will never be gone. He will always live on.

PawPaw and Jared. He loved his PawPaw so much.

PawPaw and the kids when we went camping as a family.

PawPaw and Emma. I love this picture.

Jackson and PawPaw. They adored each other and were "best buddies".

PawPaw admiring Livia after she was born.

PawPaw and our babies. This was right after his diagnosis.

     

The Things We Pass On

     I was watching Livia play with her dolls today, and I noticed that she was changing the babies diapers and putting cream on their bottoms. Then, she picked a baby up and rocked it after wrapping it in a blanket. She also decided to share her milk with the babies and it went everywhere. I couldn't be angry because she smiled at me with that sweet hard-to-resist smile. Then, she grabbed up her babies and laid down with them and cuddled them. This is just play time for her, but for me, it is a reassurance that I am doing things right. On a day when I am doubting everything, and what I should be doing in life, she reassured me that I AM doing something important. I am teaching her how to be a sweet, caring person, and that makes me feel so good.
     Have you ever sat down and thought about all the things you are passing on to your children? Emma looks like mommy, enjoys science and is an excellent artist like her daddy. She has both of our sarcastic sense of humor. She has my sweet, sensitive, easy to hurt personality, which on any given day can be a blessing or a hindrance. Jackson has his daddy's funny personality, my stubborn nature, and he was gifted with my bad eyes and his daddy's tendency to shut down and not talk about things when they are going wrong. Livia is a perfect mix of mommy and daddy in the looks department. She is strong willed like me, but has her daddy's big ole brown eyes which tend to get her out of trouble. It is amazing how much of both of us they got.
     I hope to pass on my sense of humor, my willingness to do anything for anyone, and my open minded and non judgmental nature. I hope they do not get my anxiety, self doubt, and quick temper. I hope they get their daddy's talent, kind heart, and joking nature. I hope they do not get his inability to communicate his emotions.
     Sit down and think about what you are passing on to the little eyes who are always watching you. Is it what you want them to have? Some things you cannot help, genetics are hard to change, but you can shape and mold them with encouragement to be good people. Set them up with the right choices. They may not always choose them, but hopefully you will have taught them right from wrong, and maybe when you least expect it, they will use something they learned from you. So next time you see
your little one playing, sit and watch for a minute. Do you like what you see? It can be eye opening.