Easier said than done. I knew one day I would have to. I know that I can only try so hard to make things that will never work, work. It's just so hard to let go of the things you had imagined. The things you wanted. The what ifs. It is hard to think of the fact that we could be much better people with other people. Even now, I have a bad habit of pushing people away that are genuinely amazing people, because I feel like I don't deserve that. At the moment, it feels wrong to feel happy. Like I am doing something I shouldn't be if I laugh or even smile.
Believe it or not, I am genuinely happy at the thought of him being happy with someone else and moving on. He is a great guy, and a fantastic daddy. But for some reason, I was just never right for him. I should have known that from the start. But I have a knack for trying to finish what I started. I am a perfectionist, and I do not like the feeling of failure. In my heart, I know I tried my hardest, and that is what should matter. But to me, I still feel like I failed. I'm not good with endings, that is why I still have the friends I was close to, even in elementary school. Heck I am even still friends with most of my exes, so you can see I have a hard time letting go.
But it is time. We have both felt this way for the better of two years now. It is time to stop hanging on to something that will never exist. I need to stop pushing people away, and I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. It is time to suck it up, and move on.
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