Drama

     I have said it a million times, and I will say it again, I am very lucky that Jared is the father of my children, and that we are both laid back and calm people who don't need drama to thrive. That we are able to work things out like rational adults and know what is in the best interest of the kids. Unlike other people I know.
     I'm not naming names, but I know one overly dramatic person who needs to be put in her place. You know one thing that drives me crazy is when women claim to be single moms when they are still solely supported by their ex. I think that is an insult to all the true single mothers I know who work their butts off, get no child support, and have an ex who doesn't want anything to do with the kids. I am sorry, but if you don't have to work because the child support you get is over 50% of the guys check, and he still wants to spend time with the kids, or takes them on days you need a break, or just because you want to run around, then you don't get to say you are a single mom because that is not doing it on your own to me. I would never ever claim I was a single mom because Jared is amazing and would take the kids whenever I needed him to and would also continue to support them.
     Which brings me to rant number two, child support is just that. CHILD support. It is to be used for the children's benefit. Which means, you shouldn't be spending it on your cigarette habit or your own clothes. You shouldn't have to then call the father up and say, this child needs this or this, because when you are getting over $1400 a month, they should have that. Especially when you just received half of a persons retirement which was over 12 grand and somehow managed to blow that in a month with nothing to show for it.
      I detest manipulative people. Those poor, pitiful me people who like to try and convince others they are the ones being wronged all the time. Sorry, while you may have others convinced, I see you for who you really are. If every guy you have ever been with calls you crazy, maybe it's not them, maybe it really is you. When you cry that you are doing it all on your own and that your ex doesn't help out, and has never been there. Not true when he is off working to provide for you and your kids because you are too lazy to keep a job. Because you somehow have a special way of blowing massive amounts of money. When you claim that he has done you wrong and cheated on you a thousand times (which is not true by the way, he made one mistake and owns up to it) but you fail to mention how many times you cheated on him far before he ever did it to you. And after. Over and over. That you have been with more guys than you can count, and you even managed to get Herpes that he somehow doesn't have. So who was the nasty, unfaithful one? But no you manage to leave that part out because then maybe so many people wouldn't have sympathy for you. You leave out all the people you had in and out of the home he was paying for and all the people you let sponge off of him.
      I also hate women who like to play off what good moms they are to the public and on social media, but no one can see how they really are when no one is around. Or the things I think are awful and disgusting and you don't even try and hide. Like how nasty your house is. How when you walk in it smells like animal waste because of all the creatures who live in the house. How if you are a "stay-at-home" mom that maybe your house would be cluttered and lived it, but it wouldn't be filth because you should have the time to clean it. Especially when other people occasionally keep your kids for you. Must be nice. That you move strange men in at times who have records and are drug users and also allow this man to be alone with your children at times. That you spend the money that should be going to them on him because you think this man loves you when everyone else can see he was only using you for your money all the while going around telling people he would never be in a relationship with you because you are too crazy for him. And oh imagine that, the money ran out, and he left. Who could have seen that coming? That you let your youngest child who should be in bed by 8 pm like every other child their age stay up way past midnight, because you want to sleep in until noon the next day. I am not a morning person, and would love to sleep in, but that is lazy parenting. That you give that child her way all the time, because you don't want to parent or deal with her fits if you don"t give in. You are setting her up for failure later in life. It saddens me. When your oldest child tells me she would rather stay in her room all day and watch tv than be around you and has already begged me to let her live here, and that she would even sleep on the couch if I would let her. It hurts my heart.
     Then there is the issue of custody. When there are court orders in place saying you have joint custody, but you won"t give the father his overnight visitation that he deserves. He loves those children, and sadly there is nothing preventing a woman from doing this, but better believe he didn't pay his child support and he would be in jail. That you will run around telling people how sorry he is and what an awful dad he is, when that couldn't be further from the truth. Yes he was gone from their lives a lot, but he was working hard and providing for them, while you blew it all away on people who didn't really care and were using you because you are weak and gullible. Where are these people now? Long gone.That the reason he took that job in the first place is because you got him fired from a job that would have kept him home, and then demanded he find something else or you were leaving. Not once did you get off your butt to try and find something so he could stay. That he always gives in and gives you your way, or you will withhold the children from him after you throw your toddler like tantrum. Well not anymore. Things are about to change, because I will not sit back and watch someone I love being mistreated because he is too good and nice a person to let that happen to. That sadly everyone we know warned me about how awful he was because of the things you made up. Not true, he is amazing and treats me like a princess. And is willing to stay here with me because I don't demand a lifestyle he can't afford. That I am happy just to have him and don't care about material possessions. That I see him for the wonderful man and father he is and and am having to build him back up and tell him he is worthy because you are the one who broke him. That he is learning that he can trust someone because women like you give us good loyal women a bad rep. It saddens me that he was a depressed broken shell of a man who didn't deserve the way you always treated him.
     Women like this make me sick. But I am a firm believer in karma, and I do believe you will always be unhappy and miserable the rest of your life because to you everyone is always out to get you, and it is never your fault. It is coming for you.

Isn't It Ironic?

    What can I say? Life is weird, ironic, and has a way of sneaking things up on you that you never thought in a million years could happen. My life has taken a crazy twist, but I am extremely happy. Happier than I have been in a very long time.
     I am now in a relationship with an awesome, sweet, funny, caring guy. Someone who treats me like a princess. He compliments me, and he makes me feel good about myself. For years I had forgotten that I was worth that. I felt ugly and unattractive, like I would never be good enough for anyone, and like I had nothing of worth to give someone. What's ironic about this you ask? The guy I am seeing was my first love. My first everything.
     We dated each other in middle school and the beginning of high school. We have an awesome story. I adored him, he had a girlfriend, so I patiently waited on the sidelines until he realized he wanted me as well. We had a magnetic attraction and it was overwhelming at times. But we really did love each other. Despite people telling us we were too young to feel that way, we truly did, and it was real love. I broke up with him, because at the time I had things going on in my life that made me feel like I didn't deserve that love. I also chose someone different because we were around each other more and had more in common. As a teenager that is important, but you don't realize as you grow up you also grow apart and those things that mattered at the time, no longer do.
    We grew up, somehow managed to move on with our lives. The most important person to us at one time was now a complete stranger. We both got married and had adorable babies. We we too young though, and neither one of our marriages worked out. We didn't talk for about ten years. But for some reason, we never left each others thoughts. I would think I forgot about him, when all the sudden there he would be, in my dreams. We felt each other over the years kind of calling for each other when we were lonely or hurt. But we both respected each others marriages enough not to talk.
     After I knew his marriage was over, and mine had come to an end as well, I decided to message him, just to check on him and see how he was. I never expected him to respond back (I hurt him pretty badly when I broke his heart), and when he did respond back I never expected it to be like we never stopped talking. He was working overseas at the time, but wouldn't you know that he was due to come home shortly. Once again, weird.
     We decided to see each other when he got back. Talk about nerves, and butterflies, and anxiety. I was afraid he would run away since I had changed quite a bit over the years (thank you babies), and I wasn't sure he would even be the same person since he had been through so much. But that first meeting was amazing. He still looked at me like I was that same cute girl I had been before. And much to my surprise, he had changed, but grown up in a good way. We started out as friends, but over time that magnetic feeling was too much. And now here we are. He has given me so much of myself back. I feel attractive again. I feel like I am worthy of being loved. I feel what has been missing in my life for so long, which is being with someone who actually wants to be with me. We get each other, and we balance each other out so well. The part that truly won me over, was how amazing he is with my kids. He adores them. Treats them like actual people, plays with them, talks to them, and they adore him as well. That is what melted my heart.
     I know this will be weird for a lot of people. It was crazy and weird for us in the beginning as well. Also, a lot of people don't agree with us seeing each other again. I have heard it from a lot of people. Or they are misinformed. Neither one of us wrecked the others marriage. Those were already over, and needed no help in ending. They did that all one their own. But these people don't know how well we work together. They don't know that we have both been mistreated in the past, and truly need each other. That we came back into each others lives at a time when we were the lowest, and probably saved us. They don't know that we are soul mates. Each others missing puzzle piece. That we have a connection still after all these years we cant quite explain. So to those people, I say oh well. Get used to it. Or don't. I don't care. Those who truly love us will accept it, and they will be happy that we are happy. Those who don't, well I guess they didn't need to be in our lives anyway. I am happy, he is happy, and our kids are happy. That is all that matters to me. :-)

Us. 8th grade graduation. ;-)

First love

Playing with Jack Jack.

Looking crazy but happy! :D

International Bereaved Mother's Day

 

     Yesterday was International Bereaved Mother's Day. This is the first year I have heard of it actually. But it is a day that weighed heavy on my heart. All day yesterday I was a little down. I have so many good friends who have lost an infant, so they were in my thoughts and prayers. I was also down because this day corresponds so closely with some not so good anniversaries of my own.
     Not many people know this about me, but I have had two miscarriages myself. They both occurred very close to Mother's Day. So I get a little down this time every year. I start thinking about both of those babies that could have been. I love my children with all my heart, and am very blessed to have the three healthy, beautiful babies that I do have. I know many of my friends struggle with infertility and miscarriages, so believe me when I say I don't take my children for granted.
     Both of the miscarriages occurred after 6 weeks of pregnancy, so both of those babies had heartbeats. One was 7 weeks and the other was 9 weeks. To me those babies were alive. I don't care what you believe, whether you disagree and say that a baby is not a living being until they are born alive. Those babies had a heartbeat and were living inside of me. I was excited about them, and they were real to me. They both already looked like babies, and just couldn't finish growing for whatever reason. I named them after the fact, because I needed something to call them when I think of them. Charlie and Jude. I never got the chance to feel them moving inside of me, to hold them, or tell them how much I loved them already. My heart aches when I think about who they might have been. I know that one day I will see them whole and alive when I get to the other side. They are waiting for me. They are my angels. And every now and then, I feel them with me. They were both a part of me, and always will be.
      So this year on Mother's Day, I will think of all my friends. The ones who are lucky enough to have never had a miscarriage or baby loss. The ones who were not so lucky and mourn their babies in heaven with the hope they will see them again someday. The friends who have lost a child no matter the age. The friends who desire with all their hearts to  become mommies and are struggling with infertility. We are all still mothers in our hearts.

7 week embryo- see it already looks like a little person. "Jude"

9 week fetus- you can't tell me that isn't a baby. "Charlie"

A few of my awesome friends got together and collaborated on this for me

I love this one!