My Life is Built On Happy Accidents!: International Bereaved Mother's Day

Yesterday was International Bereaved Mother's Day. This is the first year I have heard of it actually. But it is a day that weighed heavy on my heart. All day yesterday I was a little down. I have so many good friends who have lost an infant, so they were in my thoughts and prayers. I was also down because this day corresponds so closely with some not so good anniversaries of my own.
Not many people know this about me, but I have had two miscarriages myself. They both occurred very close to Mother's Day. So I get a little down this time every year. I start thinking about both of those babies that could have been. I love my children with all my heart, and am very blessed to have the three healthy, beautiful babies that I do have. I know many of my friends struggle with infertility and miscarriages, so believe me when I say I don't take my children for granted.
Both of the miscarriages occurred after 6 weeks of pregnancy, so both of those babies had heartbeats. One was 7 weeks and the other was 9 weeks. To me those babies were alive. I don't care what you believe, whether you disagree and say that a baby is not a living being until they are born alive. Those babies had a heartbeat and were living inside of me. I was excited about them, and they were real to me. They both already looked like babies, and just couldn't finish growing for whatever reason. I named them after the fact, because I needed something to call them when I think of them. Charlie and Jude. I never got the chance to feel them moving inside of me, to hold them, or tell them how much I loved them already. My heart aches when I think about who they might have been. I know that one day I will see them whole and alive when I get to the other side. They are waiting for me. They are my angels. And every now and then, I feel them with me. They were both a part of me, and always will be.
So this year on Mother's Day, I will think of all my friends. The ones who are lucky enough to have never had a miscarriage or baby loss. The ones who were not so lucky and mourn their babies in heaven with the hope they will see them again someday. The friends who have lost a child no matter the age. The friends who desire with all their hearts to become mommies and are struggling with infertility. We are all still mothers in our hearts.