You know what really bothers me? Judgmental, hypocritical people. Small-minded and ignorant people. Why is it so hard to let someone live their own life without always having to butt in? Don't like something someone does? Then don't do it!!!
I have lived my life always worrying about what other people thought of me. I always did what everyone else wanted of me. I got good grades, I was a pretty good kid, I was the good girl. I am a perfectionist, and it drives me crazy sometimes, because you can't please everyone. I am one of those people who wants everyone to like me. It drives me crazy when someone doesn't. But you can never make everyone happy.
If you choose one thing over another, someone is going to be upset with you. Some examples of me personally, I am different than other people. I am not part of the herd in my ways of thinking, but since I don't want to upset anyone or cause controversy, I rarely ever speak up. I have a hard time telling people no. In a way, I let people run all over me, and take and put up with way more than I should.
I like tattoos and piercings, I want them, but I have some people in my life who judge people based on how they look. Like if I have a lip or nose piercing and a few tattoos that can be covered by clothes then that automatically makes me a bad person? Really?! I am going to automatically get stupid and become a bad mother because I changed the way I look? Maybe I have a good reason for wanting the tattoos. Maybe I have scars on my body that are painful to look at, and when I look down I want to see something that makes me smile. Only a few people know certain things about me, and they get this. They love and accept me no matter what. The rest of the world I keep my true self hidden from.
And it really bothers me when someone tells me they are going to pray for me because of certain actions. I don't mind prayer for my well being, peace of mind, etc, but praying because you think I am a sinner, or praying for me to change, I am not okay with that. Are you, the person praying, perfect yourself? Have you never made a mistake? Do you not swear or lie or cheat? Because I know you do. Have you never done something that someone else didn't like? Why can't you accept and love me for who I am? Certain things I do or change about me don't make me a bad person, and those things won't send me to hell despite you insisting so.
I finished getting my education degree, despite realizing three years in that I wanted to be a nurse. I was urged to finish it. So I delayed my nursing career for another year. If I had quit right then and switched to nursing, I would probably already have my BSN. I am a bad person for not working at the moment according to some people, or I am a bad mother if I do according to others. You can never make everyone happy.
If I don't make a certain decision right now, then everyone will hold it against me. But if I do then someone else will hold it against me. No matter what, someone gets hurt. Myself included. Why is it so hard for me to ignore what others want and do what I want? To do what I feel in my heart and soul?
The only thing I know for sure, is no matter what I do in life, my kids will be happy and well taken care of, and love me regardless. Because my decisions do not affect my parenting in any way. They love me for me, and are not judgmental. Why can't everyone have the loving mind of a child? <3
Friday, February 22, 2013
Monday, February 4, 2013
Why I Was Put On This Earth
Everyone has a purpose in life. Some people are never lucky enough to realize theirs. I know for a fact now what my purpose is in life. It was to bring my beautiful angels into this world and to raise them to be the wonderful people I know they are going to be.
I was blessed with Emma Belle very early in life. I didn't understand the reason then. But I know now that she was my saving grace. I hung out with a not so good crowd, and they were all headed down a very bad road. Drugs, partying, debauchery. I am a people pleaser and have always had a hard time saying no. If not for that beautiful life growing inside of me, I would have went straight there with them. But instead, my senior year, I was growing a beautiful little life changer. She got me on a path straight to college with a full ride. I concentrated on my grades in college instead of partying, because I knew she depended on me to succeed. And I never failed her. I grew up the moment I found out I was pregnant. Every thought I had now centered around whether it was best for her. Would it benefit her? I matured, and actually became a wonderful mother. I know that awesome little girl will grow up to do something amazing in life, and she will be a people saver. I just somehow know this because she has already saved me.
I got pregnant with Jackson only a month after the miscarriage of my angel baby. I didn't understand why I miscarried at the time. I only knew how much it hurt. Even though it still hurts, I know now it was so I could have my sweet, charismatic boy. For some reason I couldn't have them both. Jack is the one who truly taught me patience. He was such a sweet baby, but he was lactose intolerant, which I didn't know at the time. I just knew he was fussy and wanted to be held all the time. We switched his formula, and we were amazed at the transformation. Such a happy, smiley baby boy we had. Then, he started suffering from ear infections. And any parent with a child with chronic ear infections can tell you how frustrating that can be. They have to have so many infections in so many months before they are even considered for tubes. My poor sweet boy suffered for months. We had the tubes put in, and once again were amazed at the change. Our sweet, smiley baby was back again. Fast forward a year later, and another tube and adenoid removal surgery. Luckily, he has been fine since then. Now he is struggling with school, and learning to read. I know it is because he missed a lot of learning sounds with his ear problems, so once again I am learning to be patient and adapt. He is going to be a wonderful daddy and husband some day. I believe the patience he has given me will be given back to him ten fold. He is such a good sweet big brother, and lets Livi lead him around everywhere. He never gets frustrated with her. He loves babies, and follows them around, and holds them and loves on them. He will make someone very happy one day. I am raising a little gentleman.
I definitely was not expecting Livia. I thought I was through having babies. I was focused on furthering my career and education. But she changed all that. At the time I was frustrated and felt like I was going to be stuck now. But Livia taught me to live life one day at a time. To appreciate the little moments. To laugh when things don't go your way. She made me realize that I don't have to rush to finish school or get a career. Those will be waiting for me. I have the rest of my life. My kids are only little once. Livia is a spunky free spirit. Everyone she meets already falls in love with her. She loves people. Any type of person, she just loves them. She will walk up to anyone and get them to smile. I know when she gets older she will keep people laughing and enjoying life. People will gravitate toward her. She will show them to enjoy the ride. She certainly has for me.
My children come first to me before anything and anyone else. They always will. Each of my sweet babies has shaped who I am as a person. They have made me who I am today. I may not feel like I succeed anywhere else in life, but I know one thing for sure, I am a great mother. And I have wonderful, amazing children. I was put here on Earth to be a mother. Plain and simple. That is my role in life. And it truly is magnificent.
I was blessed with Emma Belle very early in life. I didn't understand the reason then. But I know now that she was my saving grace. I hung out with a not so good crowd, and they were all headed down a very bad road. Drugs, partying, debauchery. I am a people pleaser and have always had a hard time saying no. If not for that beautiful life growing inside of me, I would have went straight there with them. But instead, my senior year, I was growing a beautiful little life changer. She got me on a path straight to college with a full ride. I concentrated on my grades in college instead of partying, because I knew she depended on me to succeed. And I never failed her. I grew up the moment I found out I was pregnant. Every thought I had now centered around whether it was best for her. Would it benefit her? I matured, and actually became a wonderful mother. I know that awesome little girl will grow up to do something amazing in life, and she will be a people saver. I just somehow know this because she has already saved me.
I got pregnant with Jackson only a month after the miscarriage of my angel baby. I didn't understand why I miscarried at the time. I only knew how much it hurt. Even though it still hurts, I know now it was so I could have my sweet, charismatic boy. For some reason I couldn't have them both. Jack is the one who truly taught me patience. He was such a sweet baby, but he was lactose intolerant, which I didn't know at the time. I just knew he was fussy and wanted to be held all the time. We switched his formula, and we were amazed at the transformation. Such a happy, smiley baby boy we had. Then, he started suffering from ear infections. And any parent with a child with chronic ear infections can tell you how frustrating that can be. They have to have so many infections in so many months before they are even considered for tubes. My poor sweet boy suffered for months. We had the tubes put in, and once again were amazed at the change. Our sweet, smiley baby was back again. Fast forward a year later, and another tube and adenoid removal surgery. Luckily, he has been fine since then. Now he is struggling with school, and learning to read. I know it is because he missed a lot of learning sounds with his ear problems, so once again I am learning to be patient and adapt. He is going to be a wonderful daddy and husband some day. I believe the patience he has given me will be given back to him ten fold. He is such a good sweet big brother, and lets Livi lead him around everywhere. He never gets frustrated with her. He loves babies, and follows them around, and holds them and loves on them. He will make someone very happy one day. I am raising a little gentleman.
I definitely was not expecting Livia. I thought I was through having babies. I was focused on furthering my career and education. But she changed all that. At the time I was frustrated and felt like I was going to be stuck now. But Livia taught me to live life one day at a time. To appreciate the little moments. To laugh when things don't go your way. She made me realize that I don't have to rush to finish school or get a career. Those will be waiting for me. I have the rest of my life. My kids are only little once. Livia is a spunky free spirit. Everyone she meets already falls in love with her. She loves people. Any type of person, she just loves them. She will walk up to anyone and get them to smile. I know when she gets older she will keep people laughing and enjoying life. People will gravitate toward her. She will show them to enjoy the ride. She certainly has for me.
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| My loves! |
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