I was blessed with Emma Belle very early in life. I didn't understand the reason then. But I know now that she was my saving grace. I hung out with a not so good crowd, and they were all headed down a very bad road. Drugs, partying, debauchery. I am a people pleaser and have always had a hard time saying no. If not for that beautiful life growing inside of me, I would have went straight there with them. But instead, my senior year, I was growing a beautiful little life changer. She got me on a path straight to college with a full ride. I concentrated on my grades in college instead of partying, because I knew she depended on me to succeed. And I never failed her. I grew up the moment I found out I was pregnant. Every thought I had now centered around whether it was best for her. Would it benefit her? I matured, and actually became a wonderful mother. I know that awesome little girl will grow up to do something amazing in life, and she will be a people saver. I just somehow know this because she has already saved me.
I got pregnant with Jackson only a month after the miscarriage of my angel baby. I didn't understand why I miscarried at the time. I only knew how much it hurt. Even though it still hurts, I know now it was so I could have my sweet, charismatic boy. For some reason I couldn't have them both. Jack is the one who truly taught me patience. He was such a sweet baby, but he was lactose intolerant, which I didn't know at the time. I just knew he was fussy and wanted to be held all the time. We switched his formula, and we were amazed at the transformation. Such a happy, smiley baby boy we had. Then, he started suffering from ear infections. And any parent with a child with chronic ear infections can tell you how frustrating that can be. They have to have so many infections in so many months before they are even considered for tubes. My poor sweet boy suffered for months. We had the tubes put in, and once again were amazed at the change. Our sweet, smiley baby was back again. Fast forward a year later, and another tube and adenoid removal surgery. Luckily, he has been fine since then. Now he is struggling with school, and learning to read. I know it is because he missed a lot of learning sounds with his ear problems, so once again I am learning to be patient and adapt. He is going to be a wonderful daddy and husband some day. I believe the patience he has given me will be given back to him ten fold. He is such a good sweet big brother, and lets Livi lead him around everywhere. He never gets frustrated with her. He loves babies, and follows them around, and holds them and loves on them. He will make someone very happy one day. I am raising a little gentleman.
I definitely was not expecting Livia. I thought I was through having babies. I was focused on furthering my career and education. But she changed all that. At the time I was frustrated and felt like I was going to be stuck now. But Livia taught me to live life one day at a time. To appreciate the little moments. To laugh when things don't go your way. She made me realize that I don't have to rush to finish school or get a career. Those will be waiting for me. I have the rest of my life. My kids are only little once. Livia is a spunky free spirit. Everyone she meets already falls in love with her. She loves people. Any type of person, she just loves them. She will walk up to anyone and get them to smile. I know when she gets older she will keep people laughing and enjoying life. People will gravitate toward her. She will show them to enjoy the ride. She certainly has for me.
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| My loves! |
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