So I have decided to do an update on my life at the moment. I know some people genuinely care, and others just want to be nosy and that is fine too I guess.
I am kind of at a stand still at the moment. Most of you know that Jared has been pursuing the Air Force, he was selected to be a Rated officer and to go to Officer Training School. There has been a slight set back in that, and he will have to wait to go the Non-Rated route, which is okay because that was his preference in the beginning, and now he will be able to pursue a career more closely related to his own, so that was a blessing in disguise. If all goes well, this time next year he will be in. So for now, I sit and wait because I am unsure what that will mean, since while he is gone I want to be available to my children 24/7 so I am putting my career on hold for now. I have applied for a couple of jobs, but if I hear nothing back, I will just assume it is not meant to be for now, and I am in the best possible place I can be.
As for Jared and me, we are still separated, but choosing to remain at home together with the kids. Most people don't understand this, they think it is weird, or confusing. But for us it is not. He is an awesome daddy, so why wouldn't I want him there for the kids? We don't fight, and we are both laid back people. I have forgiven him for the past, and moved on. I am less angry now. He is still my best friend, and we have fun together. Who wouldn't want to live with their best friend? Yes, I have guy friends, but we all hang out together, so whatever you assume in your mind, isn't always the case. To me, men have always been easier to get along with. But whatever preconceived notions you have, get them out of your head. I have heard some rumors about me, but I have never been the type to sleep around. I can count the guys I have been with in my life on two fingers. There was a third, but I don't count him because it wasn't by choice. So there you go. Maybe a bit TMI, but I guess it needed to be said to clear up some of the things I have heard about me. I can't say that for most people nowadays. But I am not that type of girl. So just because I have male friends, and not everyone agrees with that since I am "married", please take a look at yourself before you judge me.
An update on my kids: Emma Belle is doing excellent in school, and she is such a funny little kid. She never ceases to amaze me with her wisdom and ability to rationalize things. Honestly, she is more wise than most adults I know. Jackson is my sweet, sensitive baby boy. He just turned six, and I can't believe it. He is struggling some in school with his reading and spelling. He is a math wiz, but now I have to make the hard decision on whether to hold him back a year, because he is lagging behind in the other areas. I just don't want to make the wrong one. This is one of those decisions that parents dread making. I have worked so hard with him, and he just can't seem to catch on, so I am also wondering if he has something else going on. He memorizes the books so he seems to be reading, but if I hand him a new book, no matter how many times we have gone over a word, he struggles. My sweet boy. Livia is such a smart cutie. She is using words like disgusting, and talking in complete sentences now. She is good at everything she does. She can dance, sing, and throw and catch a ball already. I'm excited to see what she will do with her life. She makes everyone fall in love with her. She is a stubborn mess though. Right now we are working on potty training. She does it when she wants to. Not when I want her to. If we are in a public place, she will use the potty, but not at home. And I refuse to run her to a convenience store every time she needs to potty. Haha. So I guess she will do it in her own time.
So that's what has been going on in my life as of late. It has been interesting to say the least. And I am pretty sure I could pull off my own reality show. But if you have a question, please come to me instead of fueling the rumor mill (which I know is hard in this small town area), but I am an open book, and a very honest person. And I think I am a good person. I try to be nice to everyone, and I have friends from all walks of life. Not everyone agrees, but that is okay. I am happy, and my children are happy, and that is really all that matters to me.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Thursday, March 21, 2013
The Afterlife
Lately I have been thinking a lot about the afterlife. Where we go from here. I know without a doubt this is not the only life we live. This life leads to something much bigger. I do believe that who you are and what kind of person while you are here determines where you go from here.
I have almost died a few times in my life. Not many people know this, but I almost died after the birth of my first child. I hemorrhaged shortly after she was born. I am talking waterfalls of blood. I felt myself slipping away in those moments. At first there was a panic. And then all the sudden it was just calm. Nothing mattered. Then, I was above myself looking down. I didn't recognize the person lying there as myself. I mean, I knew it was me, but it wasn't me anymore. Believe it if you want, but you don't have to. Jared witnessed this firsthand, and saw the life leave my body. Luckily, I was brought back. In those moments though, my life didn't pass before my eyes, and I didn't see a bright light. I just hovered there for a moment, and then I was back.
As a nurse, I have had the privilege of witnessing some of the most intimate, private, helpless moments in a person's life. I have been there for numerous deaths. I have held their hands as people have left this world. That is an amazing moment. Right before they die, a person gets this lucid burst of energy, but only for a moment, and then they are gone. Their body an empty soulless shell. The person they once were is gone. I have had them tell me they see someone waiting for them. Witnessing this has had a big impact on my life.
There is something more than this life. I do believe in a higher power. In those moments, you just feel there is something more and it gives you hope. Something to believe in. That we are not merely here for the short time we are. There is something bigger and better waiting in the end. This gives me the faith that when we lose someone we love, it is not the end. But just the start of a waiting period before we will see them again. This comforts me on the days like today, when the pain of missing someone I love is almost unbearable. It is only for now. Just a moment in time. Before forever.
I have almost died a few times in my life. Not many people know this, but I almost died after the birth of my first child. I hemorrhaged shortly after she was born. I am talking waterfalls of blood. I felt myself slipping away in those moments. At first there was a panic. And then all the sudden it was just calm. Nothing mattered. Then, I was above myself looking down. I didn't recognize the person lying there as myself. I mean, I knew it was me, but it wasn't me anymore. Believe it if you want, but you don't have to. Jared witnessed this firsthand, and saw the life leave my body. Luckily, I was brought back. In those moments though, my life didn't pass before my eyes, and I didn't see a bright light. I just hovered there for a moment, and then I was back.
As a nurse, I have had the privilege of witnessing some of the most intimate, private, helpless moments in a person's life. I have been there for numerous deaths. I have held their hands as people have left this world. That is an amazing moment. Right before they die, a person gets this lucid burst of energy, but only for a moment, and then they are gone. Their body an empty soulless shell. The person they once were is gone. I have had them tell me they see someone waiting for them. Witnessing this has had a big impact on my life.
There is something more than this life. I do believe in a higher power. In those moments, you just feel there is something more and it gives you hope. Something to believe in. That we are not merely here for the short time we are. There is something bigger and better waiting in the end. This gives me the faith that when we lose someone we love, it is not the end. But just the start of a waiting period before we will see them again. This comforts me on the days like today, when the pain of missing someone I love is almost unbearable. It is only for now. Just a moment in time. Before forever.
Help!
I have always felt the need to help others. I am a very empathetic person, and can feel others' moods and pain. More so than most people. I can look around a room, and just feel people's emotions. Even as a small child I was that way. As far back as I can remember, I always wanted a career in the field of helping others. Nurse, teacher, or counselor. I never thought about a career that was selfish or just made money.
I feel like people are put in my life for a reason. I know that may sound self-assured or big headed, but it is the truth. People have always come to me with their problems, and I have honestly never minded helping or listening. I have a big heart, and sometimes it gets trampled on, but I still can't help myself. I feel the need to be needed I guess.
I have had friends come in and out of my life, and I never know why they leave so suddenly sometimes, but then I look back and realize they just needed me for a short time, and that hopefully I made a positive impact on their lives. That maybe they just needed for a time, and then it was done.
I have met some interesting people, and have some interesting chapters in my life because of this, so I won't complain. If I ever write a book it would be an interesting one.
I have a certain friend that was brought back into my life unexpectedly, and at the moment I can't figure out the purpose other than we both need each other right now. I don't know if it is momentary or if it will be lasting, but I know in my soul that it is right. We are kindred spirits, and haven't been in each other's lives in awhile, or even spoke in years, but we have always felt a pull toward each other and could feel each other's pains.
I am one of those people who like to have everything planned out in advance, so my life being at a standstill at the moment is driving me crazy. Not knowing which direction to take. I know there is a reason, and one day I will know why. So for now, I guess I hang on and take it one day at a time.
I feel like people are put in my life for a reason. I know that may sound self-assured or big headed, but it is the truth. People have always come to me with their problems, and I have honestly never minded helping or listening. I have a big heart, and sometimes it gets trampled on, but I still can't help myself. I feel the need to be needed I guess.
I have had friends come in and out of my life, and I never know why they leave so suddenly sometimes, but then I look back and realize they just needed me for a short time, and that hopefully I made a positive impact on their lives. That maybe they just needed for a time, and then it was done.
I have met some interesting people, and have some interesting chapters in my life because of this, so I won't complain. If I ever write a book it would be an interesting one.
I have a certain friend that was brought back into my life unexpectedly, and at the moment I can't figure out the purpose other than we both need each other right now. I don't know if it is momentary or if it will be lasting, but I know in my soul that it is right. We are kindred spirits, and haven't been in each other's lives in awhile, or even spoke in years, but we have always felt a pull toward each other and could feel each other's pains.
I am one of those people who like to have everything planned out in advance, so my life being at a standstill at the moment is driving me crazy. Not knowing which direction to take. I know there is a reason, and one day I will know why. So for now, I guess I hang on and take it one day at a time.
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