Divorce Is Not a Four Letter Word

     I always assumed that divorce had to be an ugly thing. That is all you ever see and hear about. The bitter feelings, the custody fights, one person trying to take everything from the other. I did not ever want a divorce. The thought of divorcing made me feel like a failure. But honestly, sometimes you can come out a better person.

    Jared and I have decided to do this differently. We tried living apart for the better of a month. Neither of us was happy. He was miserable being away from his children, and I was miserable seeing him hurt so much. He has been in their lives always. He has been home pretty much every day of their lives. He is an excellent father who genuinely loves being with his children and never minds lifting a helping hand. I have had the opportunity to watch numerous men with their children over the years, and most think of them as a chore. Not Jared. He wants to be the one to give them a bath, get up with them at night, and to help change a diaper. He has the most patience I have ever seen in a man, and I don't want to take all of those memories away from him. Plus, honestly I miss his help when he isn't around. Why would I want to take his children away from him? He adores them, and they adore him. 

     When Jared moved back in, I was afraid things would be awkward, or people would assume we were back together. I am not saying it wasn't rough at first, setting up boundaries, and trying to explain the situation to those in our lives. But it has started to get much easier. I was holding on to a lot of anger, and it was starting to make me a cynical, bitter person. I decided to let it go. Forgive and forget. It was an amazing feeling releasing it. To say I forgive you, and to mean it. It was a weight lifted off both of us. We are back to where we started, which is best friends. Our relationship is more honest and open now. Neither one of us has to hold anything back. We can be real with each other, and that has been amazing. I love being able to be friends again. To just sit around, watch movies, and joke around. It is so much healthier than where we were headed. Which was a dark place. 

     I still think of Jared as my family, and I am fiercely loyal to him. I will never let someone sit and bad mouth him. That is not what I want. And what does that accomplish anyway? He is the father of my wonderful children. If we did anything right, it was creating those precious beings. He will always be a big part of my life. And anyone else who comes into it will have to realize that. He is the one I grew up with. He is the one I became an adult with. He helped make me the person I am today.

     I thought when we were going about this, that we were weird for even considering it. That people wouldn't understand. I started doing some research and came across some amazing articles. Apparently, this situation is becoming more prevalent. Both parents want to take a larger role, and neither one is willing to give up their time with their children. It's called "nesting". And it can be a beautiful thing. Jared and I are both laid back people. We are both non-confrontational. We will never fight in front of our children, and they will always know that mommy and daddy love them and want what is best for them. 

      This is the best situation for us. All of us. We are happy. We still care about each other, and want each other to be happy. No one needs to skirt around the subject, and yes we will still go to family events, friends' houses, and get-togethers as a family. Because that is what we are. We are still a family. Even though some people won't understand it because it is unique, it works for us. That is what matters. We are unique and odd people anyway. :-)

I wanted to have Jared collaborate on this with me, so these are his thoughts.

    Jared's take on our situation: Wow, my thoughts on our situation. It is hard to describe, because we are still living our lives very similar to how it was before the culmination of our "romantic" relationship.

     Let me first say that we have been together in one form or another for 3/7th of my life. Just about everything good I have to show is, without any pretense, a direct result of Amber's involvement in my life. Truthfully, I can not see a future without her in it. We are, like I am sure she has stated, the best of friends. She gets me, and I get her. Our relationship has went through many phases over the years, and it, much like us, looks

 very different than when it started years ago in high school.

      We do still care for and love each other. She is the woman who bore my spawn, babied me when I was sick or down, and cared for my grandfather during his last days. She is a great woman, and I will always be in her debt. Is our arrangement awkward? Yes. Will I get jealous of any man who enters her life? Yes. Will I want to destroy them? Yes. But does any of that mean we are somehow destined to be together forever? No. People change. I don't know what the future holds. Nobody does. All I do know is that I will always be here for my family, and that does include Ber.

(No I do not regret this tattoo. I will never get it removed or covered up.I still love and care for Jared, and he was an important and amazing
chapter in my life. He is and always be the father of my children.)