I don't know why I have such a big heart. I am so tired of getting emotionally invested in people only to have them freeze me out, with no excuse, explanation, or warning. Or hurting me in a way that is truly unforgivable. Sometimes I wish I could be one of those selfish all about me people who was the user instead of the used. I have never been able to be that way though. I feel like I am a good person. I try so hard to help people out. I never ask for anything in return except for respect, but apparently that is too much to ask for. From now on, I am freezing my heart and refuse to let anyone in. I'm refusing to care anymore. I'm gonna stick to myself, and my lovely babies, and just focus on us.
The sad part about it is, the people who do this, always realize it and wake up too late. The damage is done. They more often than not realize what they had when they had me. But by then, I am tired of being hurt. If you have me as a friend, you have a true friend. Someone who will not talk about you behind your back, will give you anything I can when you are in need, will be there for you when no one else was. I care too damn much. That's my problem. I always tell myself not to. That people always leave. They come and go, and I need to realize that. But it's hard to tell your heart something when it seems so good at the time. I am so naive, and always have been. I am the one who gets taken advantage of every single time.
I'm ready for some changes. I'm going to focus on me for a change. I have lost the person I was or am. I don't even know anymore. Who am I? I know I am a dang good mother. Seeing some of the sorry excuses for moms out there has made me realize this. But who else am I? What else was I put here for? What else do I have to contribute? I need to do some hard meditating and figure these things out. Pray for me or send good thoughts my way, friends.
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